In five minutes you could be dead.

That might sound a bit harsh, but it’s true. Accidents happen, absurd ones sometimes. There’s the person who died when a tree fell on them when they were camping, fast asleep in their tent; the person on the pavement that a random car ploughed into when it left the road; there are the people on the balcony that collapsed, and those that got crushed in a crowd, and that’s apart from the normal kind of car accidents. All it takes is someone else to do something wrong and it could be you they wipe out.

Of course, we all think that those kind of things will never happen to us, I bet those people never thought it would happen to them either. We agree that we’ll die one day, that’s obvious, but we always put the moment sometime in the future and because of that we can neglect the things that are important to do before we die.

 Andrew’s death made me aware that I had to

• get my will up to date
• make sure I know about our finances, including what folder the Excel spreadsheets are on in my husbands computer.
• get my will up to date
• work out what I’d like in my funeral service to save my daughter the bother of having to work it out for herself
• get my will up to date

Those are the mundane things but what about the things that will help us at the moment of death? What does help us at the moment of death? Drugs? Maybe, but if it’s an accident we might not have long before it’s lights out.

Let’s face it, the only thing that will really help us is out ability to stay calm, so we can die in peace regardless of the circumstances. What’s the big deal about dying in peace? If there is any after life, then it’s a life of your mind, your consciousness, not your body, so logically if your mind is peaceful when you leave your body behind, then where ever you’re going & whatever happens, just like in life, you’ll be able to handle it.

If you don’t believe in an after life, it doesn’t really matter, because you can’t be sure. You won’t know for sure until it’s too late and you don’t want to find yourself terrified out of your mind wandering in some after death state. Even if there is nothing afterwards, isn’t it best to have your last moments as peaceful as possible?

And if there is an after life, then things will be better for you if you’ve lived a good life, one where you help people instead of harming them. Even without all the religions that tell us that (they’re mostly in agreement on that point) it makes sense. If you’re only mind, and your mind is full of hatred and anger from a lifetime of living that way, then you’re not going to be living in a very nice place. A mind full of negative emotions is not a pleasant place to be.

So, remember that you may be dead in 5 minutes, and don’t wait until later to help and not harm and to practice keeping your mind calm and clear. Yeah, that means it’s a good idea to practice meditation or prayer.

Does this make sense to you?

A flame has died but a spark remains

My brother-in-law died recently, on his birthday. He was only 57. Cancer. He was a bright light, the liveliest, cheeriest person I knew and we all thought he’d kick those feral cells in the arse and live to a ripe old age. We were wrong. He died a week after the doctors told us there was nothing more they could do.

Yes, it was a shock. We should have been more prepared, perhaps, since he’d had chemo, radiation and an operation, but it’d all been going well. We thought it was just a matter of time before he healed. Death had other ideas. A particularly virulent form of cancer snuck up and grabbed him, and death took him away.

For a writer I have little to say about how I feel, how we all feel, because words are just symbols and if you’re not careful, they can turn reality into melodrama.  There is one word that pretty much sums it up though – devastated. His death has taken some of the light from our world and he will always be greatly missed, but I feel blessed to have known him.

Andrew was a special person and a very ordinary person at the same time. He was everyone’s friend. Everywhere he went, he made people smile. He had helping others to be happy down to a fine art. It’s sad that he had to die for me to see his greatness, but now that I see it, he will always be an inspiration. He’s shown me how much happiness a person can bring into the world simply by how they are with everyone they meet.

Andrew’s beauty came from a kind of selflessness, in that he focused on the other person in his interactions instead of himself. He wanted people to be happy and if he could see a way to help make that happen, he did it, apparently without thought or effort. After reflecting on the point of his life, he told his wife that he’d been here to connect with people, and that’s what he did. Every person he connected with, he touched deeply, and if only a fraction of them take him as inspiration for their own lives, then what a great legacy he’s left behind.

So Andrew has gone, but he’s left a spark in everyone he’s touched. The best way to honour him is to feed that spark and make it grow so that we too may add light to the world.

There’s a Facebook page called Andrew Thomson RIP where hundreds of his friends and family have shared their love for him, their memories and their grief. It’s a moving and inspiring testament to a wonderful man.

What sort of mark have people you known left on the world?

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The greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation

Considering buying an ereader?

If you’re considering buying an ereader and wondering which kind to buy, or if you just want to know a little about the devices, read on.

Why buy an ereader?

• Books are cheaper.
• No need to have lots of shelves to store books.
• You have access to a world of books, not just those in your local store, or within reasonable postage rate distances from your home.
• Ereaders are lighter to carry and hold than print books. You can fit War and Peace in your handbag.
• You can adjust the print size to suit.

A few things to be aware of regardless of what kind of ereader you get –

• Ereaders have a non backlit screen called e-ink. Reading on this screen is virtually the same as reading the printed page, except that you can make the print bigger. It isn’t hard on the eyes like a computer screen and you can read it in sunshine just like a printed book. The exception to this is the Kindle Fire, which is why it’s really a small tablet, not an ereader.
• E-ink touch screens (no matter what brand) are frustratingly slow to respond and have no advantage over their buttoned brothers. (I’m not talking about the Kindle fire here)
• Apart from the Kindle Fire, don’t expect to use your ereader to do anything other than read books on. Net browsing is clunky, so you probably won’t use it except maybe checking your Facebook and Twitter.
• You don’t need typing capabilities unless you want to notate books.

Which kind to buy.

I’ve owned three ereaders, a Sony touch, a Kogan (the Aussie version of a Kobo) and a Kindle. Out of those three, I would recommend the Kindle without reservations. I haven’t tried a Kobo or a Nook, but even if they are perfectly fine ereaders, I see no reason not to buy a Kindle and plenty of reasons why. (Note that this isn’t an advertisement, just my opinion; however, if you purchase any of the products on this site via a link from here, I get a percentage of the sale. So if you want a Kindle and wish to support this site, then please buy via a link from here.)

Kindle, Wi-Fi, 6″ E Ink Display – includes Special Offers & Sponsored Screensavers

What’s so good about the Kindle?

The things listed here weren’t true on one, or other, or both of the other ereaders I tried.

• The first time you use it, it guides you through how to use it.
• It’s an intuitive device, easy to use.
• It’s sturdy.
• The buttons are easy to use and well positioned.
• It turns pages quickly.
• The battery lasts a long time.
• The screen is very clear with a good contrast. (The screen on the Kindle Touch isn’t as good as the non touch screens, though)
• It’s the best value. At present prices, I don’t know why you’d buy anything else. If you’re happy to have advertisments as screensavers, you can get them even cheaper.
• An added extra that comes with your Kindle is that you can join an online community of Kindle owners on the Kindleboard forum. It’s a good forum for discussing books, hearing about good ones and sharing recommendations.

Any downsides?
Not that I’ve found. I discovered that my initial suspicious of the Kindle – the reason why I didn’t buy one to start with – are actually pretty groundless.

I thought it was a problem that the Kindle didn’t read word files. Now I realise that

• it’s easy to change other file types to suit your Kindle. You can either email the file to yourself at your Kindle email address, and Amazon will change the file for you, or you can download a program called Calibre and use it to change the file yourself. It’s worth noting that PDF’s are difficult to read on all ereading devices, so it’s a good idea to have this software and change PDFs over too. ( I had to do this on my Sony and Kobo as well)
• it isn’t true; Smashwords and publishers who sell from their own sites also sell kindle files – called mobi files.
• Everyone who publishes ebooks have them for sale on Kindle, so your choice isn’t limited.
• There are a lot of books available on Kindle that aren’t available in other formats.

I didn’t like the fact that you could only buy books for a Kindle at one store. Now I realise that

• it isn’t true; Smashwords and publishers who sell from their own sites also sell kindle files – called mobi files.
• Everyone who publishes ebooks have them for sale on Kindle, so your choice isn’t limited.
• There are a lot of books available on Kindle that aren’t available in other formats.

But there are so many different Kindles; which do you recommend?

The Kindle Light, (picture above) unless you want to annotate books, in which case I recommend the Kindle keyboard. I don’t recommend the touch screen, because the screen is slow to respond.

Kindle Keyboard, Wi-Fi, 6″ E Ink Display – includes Special Offers & Sponsored Screensavers

Or the version with Free 3G + Wi-Fi

What about the Kindle Fire?

Think of this as a small tablet and you’ll get an idea of the capabilities of this device. It’s good if you want something that will surf the net like a smart phone, but is just a bit bigger and so easier to read and type on. The downside of it for reading is that it’s a back lit screen so you can’t read in the sunshine. But the advantage of that is that it’s in colour and has access to all the usual android apps, eg games. It’s a good one for kids, or if being able to comfortably use the net is important to you, but if you just want something to read books on, stick with the e-ink.

I’d buy it for a child or a teen unless they’re an avid reader and like to read in the sun. I’d definitely buy it for a reluctant reader, because it’s cool. You can play games on it, read picture books and graphic novels in full colour, and surf the net with ease.

Kindle Fire, Full Color 7″ Multi-touch Display, Wi-Fi

What about accessories?

The case with the light is really good, and a power outlet charger is also useful.
Shop in Amazon’s Kindle Accessories Store

The Truth about Change

The only constant in the universe is change. It’s one thing we can rely upon, yet often we struggle against it and the struggle causes us pain. Then we make our misery worse by wishing we weren’t miserable and acting as if we were doomed to misery for ever. First we need to accept that sometimes we will be unhappy and secondly we need to accept that change is inevitable. That will make life a lot easier.

We readily embrace the kind of change that makes our life easier, more pleasurable, or more profitable; it’s the changes that bring their opposite that causes us trouble. But if we are to have the freedom to go from unhappy to happy – and what a blessing that is – then we must accept that we will also sometimes go from happy to unhappy.

If things didn’t change we could never have been born, everything would be frozen, so change is a fundamental necessity for life, but our rejection of change makes transitions and adapting to new situations more painful than if we accepted them for what they are and understood that time will make it easier.  We can relax and remind ourselves that our pain, unhappiness, sadness, grief, whatever, will pass, or at least that we can make the most of whatever situation we are in at this moment. (In the next moment, things could be worse!)

Even the most miserable of situations are not static and that means that there is always hope for positive change, and positive change starts with a positive mind state. Even when circumstances strip everything away from you, when life gets out of control and you can do nothing about it ( like death of a loved one or imprisonment), whether you suffer over your situation or not is up to you. It’s your mind; no one can force you to be miserable and you can make yourself happy (or at least reasonably content) even in the worst of circumstances. Take the stories of the Tibetan monks imprisoned and tortured for twenty years by the Chinese who used their situation to develop compassion rather than hatred and bitterness. They learned to be content with their lot and came out strengthened by their experience.

Looking at the positive things in your life is always important but even more so when things don’t look good. We only see what we look at.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t initiate a change, but we need to make sure that any major life decisions are coming from a clear mind, not a knee jerk reaction to discomfort that is caused not so much by the situation itself, but by our rejection of it. We also need to make sure that we don’t sacrifice long term happiness for short term pleasure.

 

How well do you handle change?

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Think before you speak

Procrastination

Procrastination is a waste of time. Even if we know that, it doesn’t necessarily stop us doing it. So why do we procrastinate and what can we do about it?

Why do we procrastinate?

We only procrastinate when we think something will be difficult to do, or that we might fail to do it well enough, or  when it’s something we don’t want to do but that we have to for some reason, usually work, study or the demands of loved ones or what we think life requires of us.

What can we do about it?

• Stop thinking you can get out of it. If you could you wouldn’t be procrastinating, you’d be out of it already.
• Stop thinking it’s too difficult.
• Stop thinking you have to do it perfectly.
• Stop thinking that you’ll fail.
• Stop thinking you don’t want to do it.
• Stop thinking it’ll be painful or boring or whatever other negative feeling you have about it.
• Stop thinking about it at all – look at the sky, meditate, go for a walk, watch a movie whatever stops you thinking about it. Focus on something else and if you find yourself thinking about whatever you’re procrastinating on, just turn your mind back to focusing on the something else until your mind is relaxed and clear.

 

Feel better? Good. Now what?

Start on the project. Don’t think about doing it or not doing it, just do it. Make sure you don’t start buying into the above kinds of thoughts, if they start coming, ignore them and remind yourself that YOU CAN DO IT and the time to do it is now.

 

If it’s too big and kind of overwhelming, break it into smaller chunks then start on chunk one.

 

That’s it. It works. Try it.

 

Do you procrastinate? How do you stop it and get on with the job?

Happiness Hint – Drop it

 

An young monk and older monk were travelling together when they came to a swiftly flowing stream without a bridge. An attractive young woman stood on the bank wringing her hands. The young monk stepped into the water, but the woman put her hand on the older monk’s arm before he could follow.

“Please sir,” she said, “could you carry me across the stream? I can’t swim, and I fear that the current may wash me away.”

The young monk turned and shook his head. “Madam, we are monks. We are not permitted to touch women.”

“I know,” she replied, “but my daughter is getting married tomorrow and she needs me there tonight.” Her eyes grew moist. “Also, I will not make it back to my village now before nightfall.”

“Climb onto my back,” the older monk said, bending his knees to make it easier for her.

The young monk grimaced. “But,” he began.

The older monk cut him off. “We can hardly leave her here.”

“Thank you, sir,” the woman replied and climbed onto the monks back.

He carried her across the stream and deposited her on the other side. She thanked them and turned along a narrow path to the right, leaving the monks to continue along the road. They walked in silence for many minutes, the young monk bristling with indignation. Eventually, he could contain himself no more.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” he burst out. “You have made a mockery of your vows and disgraced us both.”

“Ah”, the older monk replied, “I dropped the young woman a good ten minutes ago, but it appears that you are still carrying her.”

 

Perhaps, I needed say more than that.

Then again, a little self reflection may be helpful.

Look back to the last time something annoyed you. When the situation had passed, did you leave the annoyance behind or carry it with you?

 

How often do we go over the things that have annoyed us long after they are over? Every time we tell ourselves the details again, doesn’t it reawaken our irritation?

 

In future, try telling yourself to drop it. Really what good does it do to relive the insult when you could be placing your mind on something more likely to make you happy?

 

Do you ever tell yourself to ‘drop it?’ Do you think it might be a good idea in future?

 

 

 

You’re alive for a reason – don’t give up.

What is prayer really?

I grew up a Christian. I went to Sunday school and asked questions that the teachers couldn’t answer. I was told to pray, but never told what prayer was. I was told to love God but never told who or what god was. Although I’ve always had a deep sense of the spiritual dimension, like many others of my generation, I ceased going to church when I became a teenager and declared that I didn’t need or want a religion.

 I finally found the answers to my questions about the nature of God and prayer when I became a student of the Tibetan meditation master Sogyal Rinpoche. The answers that came through the framework of the Buddhist teachings of Tibet not only made sense, but were completely logical and in accordance with my experience.  But, I hear you splutter, Buddhists don’t believe in God. True, but what people don’t realise is that despite this, an experienced Buddhist practitioner experiences the nature of God very profoundly. Buddhists refute the concept of God, not the nature of God. If you take the Buddhist understanding of the nature of the mind and reality as being the same as the nature of God (not the concept of a being who created the world , but the actual experience of the state from which all creation springs) then through meditation you can experience God. You can also pray in the most powerful of ways. Through deep meditation you can enter what to Christians might be called the state of grace, or union with God and what to Buddhists is the nature of mind or shunyata. Prayer made in this state is very powerful because you are not praying to someone, you are putting your prayers directly into the creative fabric of the universe.

Even if you’re a Vajrayana Buddhist praying to a Buddhist deity, that deity is not a separate entity outside of yourself but a representation of the creative fabric of the universe, which is the same as the clear, open space of the nature of our mind. And here’s the secret to deep prayer to a deity. Instead of you praying to the deity, you actually merge your mind with the mind of the deity and in that state of union, you pray with all the power of their wisdom and compassion.

But you don’t have to pray to anyone either, you just pray. You enter the deepest state of devotion, meditation, transcendence, whatever you want to call it and you send those words into the universe with the strongest heart felt feeling you can manage. You can make it even more powerful by visualising light going from your heart into the world and healing the suffering or clearing the obstacles or whatever else you’re praying for. You put it out there, then you drop it and believe it has had the desired result. That’s faith. You can call it faith in God, or the buddha or in whatever deity you like to use to embody it, or you can call it faith in the basic creative functioning of the universe. However you look at it, when you do it deeply, you can feel its power and the more of us that pray for the suffering in the world to end, the more power that prayer has.

What does prayer mean to you? What do you pray for?